Escaping Violence

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Preparation for separation – Flight plans

During an incident of violence at home you will want to do everything you can to avoid serious injury. Think ahead and plan.

Leave if you can. Know the easiest escape routes – doors, windows etc. What’s in the way? Are there obstacles to a speedy exit?

Decide who you will call if you feel threatened or in danger. This will probably be the Police but could also be a neighbour, relative or friend. It may be helpful to have a code word to use with your children or other family members if you should need them to call for help.

Decide where you will go if you need a safe place. You may need to leave the house in a hurry if you think you may be hurt. If you have children, develop a safety plan for them such as working out where they can go that is safe if you are unable to get away. This could be a neighbour or someone else who lives close by.

You may want to leave a spare set of clothes for you and your children, medications, important papers, keys and some money with someone you can trust such as a neighbour or friend.

Always keep your purse, cash cards, keys, essential medication and important papers together in a place where you can get them quickly or have someone else fetch them

Keep extra keys to your house and car in a safe place, in case your (ex) partner takes the first set.

If possible save some money for a taxi, bus or train for emergency transportation to a safe place.

Practice travelling to the location that you have chosen as a safe place.

Make a list of emergency phone numbers.

If you can’t leave the house, try to move to a place of low risk. Try to keep out of the bathroom, kitchen, garage, away from weapons, upstairs or rooms without access to the outside.

Talk to your children about getting help. Think of a code word you could say to your children or friends so they can call for help.

Depending on age and ability they could:

1.      Run to a neighbour and ask them to call the police

2.      Call 000. Teach them the words to use to get help (“This is Matthew at 9 this Street and suburb). Mum’s getting hurt. She needs help now.”)

3.      Need a safe place outside the house to hide. Arrange this in advance.

Use judgement and intuition – when the situation is very serious you may have to do what the attacker wants until things calm down. Then be on the alert for your chance to escape and get help.

Try to leave quietly. Don’t give your attacker clues about the direction you’ve taken or where you’ve gone to. Lock doors behind you if you can – it will slow down any attempt to follow you.

Advance Arrangements

Arrange transport in advance if possible. Know where you will go.

Tell only one or two trusted friends or a refuge worker about your plans. Go through the details together.

Start a savings account. A small amount of money saved weekly can build up and be useful later.

Gather documents. Start collecting papers and information you need. Make your own list:

Birth certificates, marriage certificate, copies of Domestic Violence Orders, custody papers, passports, any identification papers, driver’s license, insurance policies, Work and Income documents, bank account details and statements, cheque book, cash cards, immigration documentation, adoption papers, medical and legal records, etc.  

Ask your family doctor to carefully note any evidence of injuries on your patient records.

What to take

Documents for yourself and children

Keys to house, garage, car, office

Clothing and other personal needs

Phone card and list of important addresses and phone numbers

For children take essential school needs, favorite toy or comforter

Photograph of your partner so that people protecting you know what he looks like.

Playing it safe

Leave copies of documents, spare clothing and toiletries for yourself and your children, some cash, spare keys, medication and other essential items with a trusted friend in case of sudden flight.

Try not to react to your partner in a way, which might make him suspicious about your plans. Always be aware of your need for safety.

Tell children what they need to know only when they need to know it. Wait until plans are well advanced before talking to them. They don’t need the stress of keeping a difficult secret

Practical Issues around money

Withdraw some money from the bank if there is a joint bank account. Leave enough money there to cover any outstanding bills that you are aware of, but take whatever else you may need. It is important to do this as soon as possible before your partner has had a chance to empty the account or put a freeze on it, stopping you from accessing it.

Take your name off all joint back accounts and credit cards so that you will not be responsible if your partner runs up any debts.

If you have your own account, do not use your key card until your mailing address at the back has been changed, otherwise your partner will be able to find out where you are by simply reading your bank statements.

Arrange for your name to be taken off the lease and the electricity, phone and any other bills when you leave, otherwise you will be responsible for paying these.

 for further information see http://www.dvc.org.nz/safety.htm